"For those who missed the movie, I'd definitely recommend it as a must watch movie"

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A Bengali movie of human mortality, enacted by two stalwarts of Bengali cinema (in both acting and direction), both favorites of our own coming of age years, was what I had expected last Saturday when a few friends and I drove in to see a Bengali movie, Chhobighar Film Society was showcasing. It was a crisp, sunny, chill early spring afternoon.  The movie, as many of you have guessed already, was Ei Raat Tomar Amaar.

The title, deftly and surely, had the deep nostalgic ring of an ever-popular Bengali movie song lipped by a classic, iconic lover duo of the gold age of Bengali cinema. So, the charm was in place already.  I was ready, like many of us, to watch a story depicting glimpses of sickness, age and family feud, these entail - unfortunate yet inevitable consequences of our lives and life decisions.  I had also expected exemplary acting by the two larger than life Bengali superstars of our youth and good movie direction by a strong, contemporary, indie film director.

What I totally did not expect, and so was caught unawares, was a battery of triggers of my own experience as a caregiver over the years.  The stress of caring for a dependent, critically ill-loved one is quite intense and several stories, plays, and movies have this theme.  The caregiver's challenges of constantly dealing with the cared-for one's physical needs, mental insecurities, mood swings and utter denial, even neglect of their own physical downslide, while all the time maintaining the balancing act of holding on to his/her cool, easy going normalcy,  comprehending that your loved one is actually now a patient to be taken care of as such and only such, hence being ever watchful of the cared-for one's requirements in diet, medication, activities & movements, as the only responsible party in the whole mess, is exacting, excruciating, debilitating, to say the least.  It is a continuous, silent assault on the caregiver’s own health and sanity, which conversely is the only pillar on which stands the healing or comfort of the ailing party, who for no apparent fault of their own, has been catapulted into this uncompromising burn out.  It's a no-win situation for both and as shown so subtly and truly here, especially for the caregiver, who will continue to carry that burn lifelong.   The main reason being, the caregiver always stresses that all their energy and effort will go to waste cause their loved one may never respond to their exhausting, gut wrenching care.  The caregiver will eventually lose the patient he/she has loved and cared for.  The sense of futility and helplessness is so raw and unfathomable that it runs deeper than the sadness of the loss alone.  There are no loud outbursts for this failure coupled with loss - only spent acceptance and letting go of all ephemeral negatives and all random fights in the face of the only truth, as self-evident as life itself, human inadequacy and death.

This constant tension that characterizes caregivers in small or large measure, is strongly brought out by Anjan Dutt with elegance, ease and tempered approach, giving great dignity to a thankless job.  At least he received a crucial, love admission from his departing partner, which throws a brief ray of light, like the new dawn at the movie's conclusion.  For many caregivers, there isn't even that to hold on to. 

The patient Aparna Sen, looked and acted adequately, trying not to overdue the physical glamour quotient, for the patient is after all an ailing, older lady.  But her rendering of the terminally sick patient and a partner in a 50-year marriage on their marriage anniversary night, are both poignant and appealing, each in their own way.  The sorrow of having to leave a beautiful life always seems undeserved and reminiscing old joys and even sorrows, fulfilments or otherwise, take on new meaning for the patient albeit for a short time.  Opposites amalgam and coexist so that the good and bad memories slide, collide and flow in and out through mood swings and behavior variations, leading to violent bodily temperature changes of cold and heat as depicted at the end.  All this has been seamlessly handled and subtly enhanced by an actress of great wit, insight and empathy.

The mouse episode was also a trigger for me cause I remember talking to a little mouse that had scurried into our empty house the winter right after my partner departed and I was snow bound in several inches of relentless snow in a huge winter storm.  I couldn't go out nor could anyone visit me for a couple of days.  I found out afterwards that not one but two mice had been stuck and perished in my glue mouse trap.  I remember saying a prayer of forgiveness for their sad end that I had been unable to prevent and also thanked them profusely for being the only other living thing giving me company throughout the long, cold nights in the big empty house. 

Regarding direction, Parambrata Chattopadhyay could have taken alternate approaches to make his point in certain areas. In fact, I was starting to get nervous that the patient would miraculously recover in the language of Bengali comedies and it would be another version of all's well that ends well.  But let me thank the director for not shying away from a realistic ending. It gave the movie much needed depth and dimension.

Now for the unsavory.  The movie seemed a bit dragging and overdone, especially about the caregivers back issues.  Also, a terminally sick patient climbing a chair and reaching out on tippy toe to a high shelf and then climbing down without incident, carrying a heavy tape recorder from a dusty storeroom to the sitting area without once losing balance or tripping on her sari?  Hmmm.  And I'm not sure why the director would have to undress the caregiver to his briefs when he was only going potty.  I would have thought that the message to be conveyed was that even a normal bathroom break for nature's call makes a caregiver feel guilty for stepping away from the patient because he/she is scared that a disaster may happen during that absence.  Couldn't catch that dread or watchfulness or haste in the actor at all.

Be that as it may, with all its strengths and weaknesses, the movie, in many ways, will be a 'rewind' of the life and times of many a caregiver with a lost partner.  On a personal level I know it was mine.   Needless to say, that feeling of 'rewind' brings a viewer face to face with the not so pleasant facets of existence, often throwing them off a bit.  In that sense, it's not a movie for the faint-hearted or the irreverent.  On the flip side, the very fact that the film is able to generate such a full-bodied response, speaks volumes about the skill and impact of its actors and director.  All in all, for those who missed Ei Raat Tomar Amaar, I'd definitely recommend it as a must watch movie, a sure reminder of how our inescapable human frailties and life events shape our journeys, even ourselves in indelible, untold ways.  A film about death upholding death-defying qualities of courageous forbearance and fortitude.